I have reached nowhere mutliple times, but today, I have officially reached the middle of it. I am, at this very moment, in the middle of nowhere. Having finally arrived, let me describe this location to you.
Nowhere is a real, physical space. It is not metaphorical, it is not a figure of speech to describe how lost one can be: you can physically be nowhere. It is as expansive and as eery as a barren, abandoned desert, the winds of solitude, fear and anxiety blow hard and strong, howling like the winds you’ve heard when storms are at their peak. It is deathly dark and hauntingly lonely… it is a realm that opens up and swallows you whole in life’s most difficult moments. Nowhere is where you go, where you are driven, left at, pushed into or banished in a moment, by a few words, by a singular action, by a horrific turn of events, by a gradual paving of the way, by a sudden revelation, by fate, by chance, by design, by destiny.
Nowhere exists in houses and hospitals and prisons and trains and buses and bridges and boats and garbage dumps and clubs and brothels and palaces and plains and mountains and caves and schools and rooms and tents and seas and courts and panels and slums.
To be nowhere, you have to hit a complete dead end. An end. An end of time, of effort, of support, of energy, of will, of health, of solvency, of resources, of help, of a relationship, of an embrace, of a roof above your head, of the ground beneath your feet, of breath in your lungs. You have to be utterly, completely helpless, broken to the marrow of your bones, crushed to the core of your heart, suffocated of the last bit of life in your soul.
When you are absolutely physically, mentally and emotionally stranded: at that instance, you are in the middle of nowhere.
An unwanted newborn baby abandoned at a garbage dump, an innocent prisoner awarded an irreversible sentence hearing the keys lock his cell for good, a single mother with a feverish child escaping from war crying under a pouring sky at a closed border, a burdened debtor on the run hiding from a loan shark’s thugs in the middle of the night, a patient who has just been informed that there is nothing else that can be done to save him, a kidnapped girl stuck within the walls of a brothel watching the next monster approaching her bed, a man lost in a desert for days who has just collapsed knowing there is not a soul in the world who knows where he is, the last surviving sailor in the middle of a raging ocean that has killed everyone on board, a woman who is abused by her husband for years and is forced to live with him because she has nowhere else to go to, a youngster stoned on the highest dose at a club that still doesn’t numb his shrieking emotional pain, a boy trapped between the school’s wall and his bully as his mouth is stuffed to stifle his cries for help, a student at the edge of a tall building having done everything to please his unappeasable parents, a man on the bus back from a workplace he was unjustly fired from without a penny for months of forced labor and nothing left to buy his next meal, a mother who is unable to prove that her child is indeed her husband’s who died just after it was conceived, a person unable to get anyone to listen to his side of the story because of his social status or his inability to express coherently or the magnitude of the manipulation against him… are all in the middle of nowhere.
Where do you go when you reach the middle of nowhere?
You go down on your knees, touch your head to the ground in that endless, crushing, lonely darkness and speak to the Only One who exists when you’re nowhere… and you plead like the greatest man did when he collapsed under a tree one day and felt like he was in the absolute middle of nowhere:
“O Allah! I complain to You of my weakness, my scarcity of resources and the humiliation I have been subjected to by the people. O Most Merciful of those who are merciful. O Lord of the weak and my Lord too. To whom have you entrusted me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair? So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. But Your favor is of a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descends upon me. I desire Your pleasure and satisfaction until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except by You.”
By Allah, as soon as you call out to Him, you will feel Him listening. You will feel your strength coming back as soon as you have complained of your weakness. You will feel your honor returning in His presence as soon as you mention how humiliated you feel. You will realize the delight of having always been solely in His care and in His eyes as soon as you wonder when you will escape the prison of your tormentors.
And then you will know that nothing else matters in that moment, and in every moment than His being pleased with you… and even so, that your trial was never about Him gaining pleasure through your suffering, but to bring you back to the Light that only comes at the end of extreme darkness, to grant you the kind of relief that comes only after extreme struggle, to grant you the favor that comes only after immense sacrifice, to grant you the honor that comes only at the price of fighting with every fibre of your being for the truth, to grant you the kind of comfort that comes only after overwhelming loss, to bless you with the kind of love that comes only after having walked through the fire of spite, to grant you a healing that is meant only for the most broken and to grant you a victory that comes only to those who had to fight with no one but God by their side.
That’s why, at the end of this incredible plea, you are left acknowledging the singular most empowering truth: that there is no power and no might except with God.
And while you’re there, in the middle of nowhere, with the power and might of God above, below and all around you, you don’t need to run anywhere anymore. You trust, and you wait.
I request you to make a heartfelt dua for me today. Allah knows I need it.